Year 4

Here I am again, year 4 of when my dad passed away. Like last years post, I am just going to ramble on with my thoughts & my emotions.

My dad was & I think will forever be a huge loss in my life, we had so much in common & I truly feel that our time or my time wasn't ready to end our time here.

This entire week has been horrible & I have been so busy with everything that I possibly could do. I wanted to stay busy so my mind or maybe my heart would somehow forget August 13th? But Wednesday night it started to hit me like a ton of bricks, well at 1am so on Thursday. Thursday morning when I woke up, every part of me hurt. My hands were swollen & I just was in pain & exhausted. Not cause I was unable to sleep, but my heart knew the day had pretty much arrived.

I reached out to a few friends & of course they all had comforting words for me. As much as I appreciate each & every word & their love they knew they couldn't or may never be able to take away that pain.

Over the past year, I have been a lot better than the year before. I still think of him every day, maybe every hour. Thursday & Friday hmm which will be Friday the 13th this year, I just want to lay in my bed & let my mattress & cozy blankets wrap me so tight. Saturday will be a new day & the sun will shine again. But for me tomorrow & forever August 13th is my day to miss him & fall apart every second if that's what I choose to do.

To all who have lost, know that I feel your pain too, know that it is okay to feel every emotion.

XO

Ali