Year 5

Five years ago, August 22, 2017, I laid you down to rest for eternity. Twenty - four hours before, I saw your beautiful face, the softness of your skin & held your hand for the last time.

God had taken you home on August 13th, my heart stopped & when it started to beat again it never had the same rhythm as it did once before. It is as if it knew a huge part of it was gone & never returning.

The past few years I would write my post on the day that you passed, but this year I gave myself that day to rejoice that you were no longer suffering. That you were living eternally & I decided that I was going to live here on earth just as you would have wanted, you probably wanted me to do that for you the previous years, but I just couldn't bring my body to do so. I must admit that it felt nice to laugh on such a gloomy day, to see the ones who loved you the most & to remember the person you were in my eyes.

Today is that last day of the storm for me, it tends to creep up on me close to my birthday & it will last until August 22nd. When the sun rises on the 23rd of August, ironically the 23rd is my number for many reasons, but it is my birth number the one that God chose for me to take my first breath. Six months later is when I can breathe once again on my own, it's after my birthday, your birthday, fathers day, your last voice mail that you left me exactly one month before you passed, our last Dr visit together when you asked the Dr. to watch over me after he asked you if there was something that you needed him to do for you & then your death. So, yes I somehow now have two birthdays, one that God gave me & the other that you gave me to come out of what I call "my storm." I know it'll come again & I am okay with that, as it is the love that I have for you, the love that I truly didn't know existed until you were no longer here for me to truly tell you. But in reality you probably knew, even without me having to tell you.

I will forever grieve you in some way & keep your memory alive. Some may see grief as a bad or sad thing to do, but the word grief is not an action. Grief is a feeling of a bond, a love that can be rejoiced but there can be sorrow mixed in with a thousand other emotions. I say, grieve how you like & until you like, I am.

XO

Ali